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20 September 2011 @ 08:21 pm
fanfic: the colours we paint ourselves  
Title: The Colours We Paint Ourselves (previously "As Yet Untitled")
Author: winter_lace
Fandom: Skins
Characters: Katie Fitch, Effy Stonem, James Cook, Tony Stonem... mentions of Emily, Naomi, JJ and Freddie.
Rating: NC17
Summary: In which Cook broods in the dark, Effy takes a chance and Katie gets curious.
Previous Parts: Part One, Part Two, Part Three, Part Four, Part Five, Part SixPart Seven, Part Eight
A/N: Thanks for staying with this one guys, I really appreciate your feedback. :)

He sits on an old chair, rocked back against the wall of the house, his legs dangling casually in the dark while he slowly pulls on a cigarette. Naomi had cut awfully close to something before, the blonde had always read him far too well. He'd been edgy and unsettled for the past week, so much so that he didn't even relish whenever he noticed Katie's mutual awkwardness. That night his leg had brushed hers and the rush of heat had left him briefly stunned. He'd had to pay double the attention to the conversation to ignore the raging erection in his pants.

Despite how many times JJ and Fr.... had told him to keep his dick in his pants, Cook had pretty much always been in control of himself. it had never just been about sex for him either. He'd always found women beautiful, big women, small women, dark women, older women... he just liked the female fricken species and he liked to fuck him. But then there had been Effy and she'd grabbed him by the fucken balls (literally) and no matter how many other people he fucked he had been pulled back to her.

But he knew he never really had her, that's why he'd never really given her himself. He loved her. But she had loved his best friend. It was his first brush with true actually love and it had ripped his heart out. Watching Fre.... his best friend with the girl he loved had left him bruised and aching.

But then Foster happened.

Even now, in the cool darkness, months later, Cook felt the hot insatiable rage envelope him. His fists contract at the thought of the psychotic psychiatrist, Fre.... the shoe covered in sticky half dry blood. He can feel his pulse pounding in his head and it takes a few moments of keeping his eyes closed, breathing evenly and concentrating on where he was to make the pounding ease away.

Then there had been jail. Thankfully there wasn't a lot that he really remembered about those months, the time had blurred together. The other inmates had left him mostly alone. A lot of police interrogations, he remembers endless questions. But not much more. And then he's walking down a street, dejected, lost, broken... there's no one behind the red door at number thirteen and there's a for sale sign in the front. There's a notion in the back of his mind that everyone has gone, that he is the last one left. And then... through his fogged and heavy thoughts there is a girl before him. Dark hair, black skirt, lace blouse and swaying hips... leopard print heels... and it was like there was focus.

That focus... it had been sharpening recently. Sharpening over the days spent with Effy and Katie. Till things were starting to come back into focus again. The moments, once far and few between, when he felt truly himself we getting longer and closer together. This job. This job was almost like he was sorting himself out. Giving himself priorities. Things to live for. People he needed to take care of.

He shifts his weight on the chair and the front two legs fall to the ground with a muffled thump. Flicking the butt of his cigarette out casually into the darkness he makes his way back inside.


Everything has that hazy half-light that belays dreams. She’s lying in the middle of a gigantic bed; she doesn’t think she’s seen one this big ever. She’s kind of marvelling at it, fingers clenching at the red satin sheets, like water slipping across her fingertips. Somewhere in her mind, she’s registering that it’s just another one of her dreams. The ones that have been haunting her for the past week, she’d pretty much given herself up to them now. Her body is just glowing in a heavy sedated what, her limps too heavy to move. She closes her eyes and basks for a moment in the feeling.

A shudder rises up her arms when she feels his breath on her.

"You and I need to stop meeting like this babes." He whispers in her ear. She lets her eyes fall open and meets his blue ones. She feels herself smiling up at him.

"You need to stop finding me." She replies huskily.

"I’ll follow you wherever you go babes. I’ll always be there. Just out of sight." He’s nibbling on her ear lobe now and she can’t control her shivering. There’s a shallow, out of tune voice telling her that she should be concerned with this byt there is another, stronger voice that is secretly please by his admission. Her body flushes with the warmth of it. The idea of him always being there, in the shadows... it’s like a warm stone that falls directly into the pit of her stomach. Her eyes fall closed again and she just lets herself enjoy the moment. The feeling of his mouth on her skin.

She’s floating away on a dreamy feeling when something jars her out of the moment and back. There was the feeling on a second pair of lips caressing her. Her eyes snap open and she gasps.


"This is a package deal hun." The Stonem girl replies, letting those sharp blue eyes cut into her, Katie turns quickly to Cook but his expression is not one of surprise.

"All or nothing Katiekins." He whispers thought the kisses he paints on her shoulders and Effy’s fingers are tracing nonsensical patterns on the skin of her stomach and it doesn’t feel unwanted or strange but instead hot and heady. Katie lifts her head cautiously; leaning into Effy and slowly, daringly pecks her on the lips, lingering for a minute as the heavy and sweet taste of vanilla washes over her. When she pulls back she finds herself staring back into the icy blues before soft soft lips are pressed against hers again. She finds that, at first, she can tell the difference between their touch. Cook with the rough but steady hands and Effy with the soft almost hesitant touch. Katie quickly falls away in their touch and when of each of their hands falls between her legs to caress her in the most intimate spot she lets herself moan. But it feels strange, it’s like she can hear herself within and outside. The sheets aren’t as smooth anymore… she swears they were before.

"Don’t think so hard babe." Cook is whispering into her ear but it’s like she has bad reception and his voice isn’t quite there.

She turns to Effy and the other girl is staring at her with a concerned, almost bewildered look on her face. And when she says her name Katie feels herself being pulled roughly from her body. With a harsh intake of air she finds herself tangled in Effy’s bed, those Stonem eyes staring down at her.

Her legs are tangled with Effy’s and Katie feels, with a hot wash of shame, her wet crouch pushed against Effy’s thigh.

"Oh God..." slips past her lips and she feels herself glow with embarrassment.


Effy has been awake for some time when Katie had started making nondescript noises in her sleep. Careful not to disturb her Effy had watch as Katie had trashed her head about a bit, making a dark halo about her head of her hair. It was then things had started to get distinctly... different. Those noises had turned into what couldn't be mistaken as anything but breathily moans, at some point she had whispered 'you need to stop finding me' which Effy had found more than odd and then... she had started to grind herself against Effy's thigh. That's when Effy had gotten a bit concerned, she wanted nothing less than Katie to wake up and blame her.

She'd injected command and urgency in her tone when she'd said the other girl's name and watched as she'd come to. She had been careful not to touch her though, less Katie misconstrue the situation more when she had woken up. And had watched as Katie had come to. She was lying opposite her now, blushing furiously, looking completely mortified.

"Good dream then?" Effy commented as nonchalantly as she could. Holding her body taut so that Katie wouldn't feel her own moist knickers against their still entwined legs. Katie just buried face into the pillow.

"It's fine." She manages to add. "I mean... it's not like you've... oh... um." Effy grimaced and then blushed. She'd intended to say something about how she'd noticed that Katie hadn't indulged any of those particular desires recently, ignoring the fact that she had seen her and Cook together, before that Katie hadn't been a on many dates at all.

"I didn't mean ... um... sorry." Effy cringes.

"It's okay Eff." The other girl replies, voice husky. "I'm sorry. I'm so embarrassed."

"Don't be." Effy says, hurriedly. "It's normal. I mean... it happens to all of us."

They smile awkwardly at each other before jolting away when they hear a muffled thump from the other bedroom. Followed by a giggle and then a throaty moan.

"Jesus. My fucken lezza sister." Says Katie rolling her eyes.

Effy let's a breathily chuckle escape her lips. "At least they're getting some action." She swallows, blurting out her next sentence before she can think too hard about it. "I mean it's got to be better than getting yourself off, right?" She bites her lips quickly, afraid for a moment that she's said too much and scared Katie off. But the other girl just flushes pink again. Neither of them had ever really indulged in girl talk with each other. Neither of them really had been one for it. Mostly Effy had been preoccupied with trying not to think too hard and Katie had been too busy watching Effy to make sure she didn't try and off herself again. Before that Katie had been trying too hard to impress Effy and Effy had been too cool and distant for either of them to confide any secrets in each other.

"I guess." Katie responds jarringly. Their eyes connect as another muffled moan floats through the walls and dissolve into amused smiles.

"Have you ever been with a girl, Eff?" Katie's tone is light but Effy sees the true curiosity in her eyes. She suppresses a satisfied smirk. The Effy of two years ago would have liked nothing more than to reply with a cool smirk and 'Is this Katie 'I'm not gay' Fitch asking?' but the Effy of now just shrugs and casually replies with a simple "Yes."

"But you're straight, yeah?

Effy studies Katie for a minute. There's a tight ball of heat within her that contracts at the sight of those brown eyes so desperately hiding their insecurities

"You know... Tony had this theory right? That's no one's really 'gay' or 'straight' or whatever but the world likes this thing where we all box ourselves up into nice little neat boxes labelled with what we are. Well... he used to say, Fuck that. Fuck being all nice and neat and in a box, I want to be messy and tangible and unlabelled. I like that. If I like a guy, I like a guy. If I like a girl, I like a girl. I'm not going to limit my choices or make myself acceptable to society by labelling it."

"That does sounds like something Tony would say. He uses more words than necessary." Katie replies dryly and the girls just smile at each other. "So... what's it like then? Is it all dildos and lube?" Katie chokes on the end of her sentence, despite the bravado she puts on.
Effy lowers her voice a bit, "Well... girls are so much softer." Her voice drops and octave and becomes throaty, she doesn’t let her eyes stray from Katie’s. "Guys can be…" Effy cringes a bit. "... clumsy. Forceful. Too concerned with their own pleasure. Girls tend to know what you like... and give as much as they receive. That’s only in my own experience though." She adds casually.

"When all my friends were practising kissing with Cruel Intentions I was already giving hand jobs to Luke McMaster."

"Never kissed a girl then?" Effy inquires; almost expecting Katie to snap back with ‘I’m not gay’ instead she got a shy doe eyed glance and “Apart from when you kissed me at the club.”

"Sorry about that. I got... carried away I guess." She watches Katie carefully for her reaction but the other girl just nods her head against the pillow. "There's nothing wrong with being curious." She adds quickly. "it doesn't mean you're gay or anything... it just means you're curious." She reaches over, on impulse, and tucks a stray strand of hair behind Katie's ear. Brown eyes suddenly connect with hers and Effy's breath catches in her throat. She can't look away or even move as Katie leans in closer, indecision and then steely determination clear in her gaze.

When her small soft lips press against Effy's own, it's like all the oxygen is zapped from her body and her eyes flutter close. It's more instinct than decision that leads her to press back in response. When she feels Katie pull back her eyes snap open and she tries to combat the overwhelming sense of dizziness that had swallowed her. Katie has her fingers pressed to her lips and an expression that she can't read.

"Did that satisfy your curiosity?" She manages to rasp out. Disappointment trickling in through the dizziness at how little Katie had been affected by their brief kiss.

"Not really, no." Says the other girl and before the knowledge can sink in Katie's leaning in again. This kiss is more forceful, all lips, tongue and teeth. Katie's fingers tangled in her hair, pulling Effy closer to her. Effy's fingers brush against Katie's breast accidently, feeling the pebbled nipple underneath thin cotton and Katie moans into her mouth.

Effy desperately wants to take control of the kiss. Roll on top of Katie and push her into the bed, strip her of her thin cotton pyjamas and do things to her that would make her scream out. She can already feel the shorter girl arching into her, her body already begging for more. And tentatively, afraid of the repercussions but almost too swept up to care, Effy lets her hand brush over Katie's breast again and when she gets the same reaction she lets her hand settle there, thumb flicking over the taut nipple.

When Katie's reciprocates with the same action, Effy can barely contain herself. She arches into Katie's hand, moaning into her mouth. When the they break away from each other, gasping with lack of oxygen, Effy's let's herself moan Katie's name and she suddenly feels the other girl go stiff.

Blinking, Effy's tries to clear her head of the haze of sexual fog, she knows it’s gone too far now. That’s Katie’s regressed into being her normal guarded self. She’s fucked it up. Again. Katie is just staring at her from across the bed. Her expression reads as devastated, as if she can’t really believe what’s just happened.

Effy puts on a false smile and says with a fake light tone that stabs her in the chest, "Nothing wrong with being curious."
Tags: ,
Current Mood: contemplativecontemplative
Current Music: tegan & sara - time running
observer1304observer1304 on September 20th, 2011 08:50 pm (UTC)
Hot and beautifully touching at the same time! I'm really looking forward to reading more of this!
Courtneywinter_lace on September 21st, 2011 01:41 am (UTC)
Thanks so much for reading! :)
(Deleted comment)
Courtneywinter_lace on September 26th, 2011 10:07 am (UTC)
I always saw Effy and Tony having the same nonplussed attitude toward sexuality. :D
monumentalily on September 21st, 2011 04:59 am (UTC)
oh god that was soooo good. yay that made me happy, thank you :). im glad katie is letting go at least a little bit. can't wait to read more!
Courtneywinter_lace on September 26th, 2011 10:07 am (UTC)
Glad you enjoyed it!
twilight118twilight118 on September 22nd, 2011 05:17 am (UTC)
So hot. And SO good to see more of this story unfolding. I'm really enjoying it. :)
Courtneywinter_lace on September 26th, 2011 10:08 am (UTC)
I'm so happy that you're enjoying it. :D