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29 April 2012 @ 05:15 pm
fanfic: the colours we paint ourselves  
Title: The Colours We Paint Ourselves
Author: winter_lace
Fandom: Skins
Characters: Katie Fitch, Effy Stonem, James Cook, Tony Stonem... mentions of Emily, Naomi, JJ and Freddie.
Rating: NC17
Summary: In which Effy makes a decision, Katie is relived and Cook gets caught doing something naughty
Previous Parts: Part One, Part Two, Part Three, Part Four, Part Five, Part SixPart Seven, Part Eight, Part Nine, Part Ten, Part Eleven
A/N: So after my last note about promising to update more often, I left it like another three months? I'm sorry guys, I really am continuing this story I'm just having a few little life issues that are constantly getting in the way. I also apologised for any spelling errors... my spell check is having a cornerary.






She takes extra care dressing the next morning. She selects a pair of black skinny jeans and a black and white tank. She pulls on her blazer with all the pins on it over the lapel, glancing at herself in the mirror timidly. She'd learned to hate her reflection. Where there was once a girl with confidence, turned into a black hole. A monster. A girl who sucked everything in and destroyed it. Turned everything good and right into dark and wrong, twisted. She thought for a long time that she had turned Freddie into something dark, but it turned out that his love had been pure, but he'd been killed because of her. That had been brutal. When she had learnt that. Dreams of sharp, sharp blades, wrists, skin and veins. And blood. Buckets and buckets and buckets of blood. And a little girl in a corner who didn't speak.

She has to glance at the red exercise book on her desk, it settles her. She needs to remember that bad things happen, that there are bad people in the world. That she isn't the black, dark hole of nothing that sucks everything in and makes it bad.

There are good things are well. That balance out the bad. The good things weren't necessarily white and the bad things black, She's realised there's a multitude of grey in the in-between. She's realised that people mostly fall into the grey areas.

She blinks at the girl in the mirror. She could do this. She could be strong again. She could be. She had to promise herself. She's in the kitchen before either Cook or Katie, or even Tony. She can make toast. The smell of the bread toasting wafting through the house and then there's a bleary eyed Cook standing in the archway.

"You're cooking?" He queries, voice full of doubt.

"I can cook toast." She replies deadpanned. "Did you want some?" She asks glancing over at his shirtless form. He's scratching at his chest, one eye open the other closed.

"Might as well." He swints at the clock, "Gotta go to work soon anyway."

There's the hurried thumping of someone running down the stairs and Katie's head pops around the corner. "Effy?" There's an edge of panic to her voice. Effy gets it, not in the entire time they lived together had she attempted cooking anything. Mostly she left it to Katie or didn't eat at all. Or ate anything that required minimal effort. There was always a lot of apples in the kitchen once Katie realised that she wouldn't eat otherwise.

"It's just toast for fucks sake." She replies, frustration biting into her tone. She realizes with a tinge of shame that she had relied on Katie for so much. For everything. "Did you want some?" She offers, softening her voice. She needed to prove that she could look after herself. That she wasn't the liability.

"Er.... Sure? Just let me get changed."

"You can stay dressed like that babe, I won't mind." Cook leers sleepily, eyeing Katie off in her low cut red singlet and short pj shorts.

"I second that motion." Says Tony from behind Katie, running his hand through his hair. Katie narrows her eyes and purses her mouth but makes no comment; instead she just turns and thumps back up the stairs.

Effy turns back to the toaster, popping two more slices in; she feels the warmth of someone else's body close to hers. She inclines her head slightly.

"I see right through you, Effy Stonem." Mutters a deep voice, clearly Tony. Effy doesn't acknowledge his words apart from a secretive little smile and he moves away.

****

She's not sad to see Tony go, as such. He certainly has a positive effect on Effy but other than that, he had made Katie feel extremely uncomfortable this time around. Since the comments on the day her sister moved around the corner. He'd watched her with those unnerving Stonem eyes of his, and had been nothing but polite when required, but he watched her with those eyes and his words kept rotating around her brain. My sister's got a thing for you and she's not the only one. She struggled with those words. With the meaning of them. That Effy Stonem... the Effy Stonem wanted her. And even more ridiculous that Cook... Cook did too. And the way that Tony had said the words, the tone, the implication... that it wasn't just for one night of fun. But what did Tony want her to do, what had he continued to say if she hadn't lost her temper. Would have indicated in entering some sort of functional three way relationship? Was that even fucken possible?

She needs to take a deep breath when these thoughts start, massages her temples and distracts herself. Otherwise they circle around and around and around and start to drive her slightly mad. If she wasn't already. When she's not looking she feels their eyes on her, but when she looks back they aren't watching her. No, she really was losing her mind.

There's an underlying feeling, one that was dark and tinged with paranoia, it seeps through her. The feeling that Tony had said similar things to both Cook and Effy. If he had, neither of them showed it. Cook was getting considerably more work, and was away more or less twelve hours a day, four days a week. Even Effy, whose job was originally only one day a week, had increased to three. So more often than not Katie would find herself in the flat alone. Thinking. Then the thoughts closed in again.

She stands out the front of the empty flat and shakes her head. Who would have thought?
She wonders occasionally if... if it hadn't happened, would they still be here? Cook's the first to disappear from her alternate universe fantasy. He'd either still be hiding from the cops or he'd be jail serving the time he got for aggravated assault and doing a runner. No lenient sentence for finding a murderer. No lenient sentence in exchange for his testimonial.
Effy's next to disappear. She's sorted out her shit and their loved up in a flat of their own. When his happy face flashes in Katie's mind her gut drops suddenly and she blinks rapidly to push away tears. When she tries to see herself, she can't. Probably wouldn't want to, the way she's going, she'd probably be alone. She'd rather have an ex-convict and someone with a questionable state of mind than nothing at all.

She hates this time that she ends up spending alone in the house. These thoughts are too much for her. She's tired of thinking. She's tired of Desperate Housewives and that's never happened before. Her skin jumps and dances... it feels like there's an electric current running just below the surface.

She dumps her bag, keys and coat on the floor beside the door when a noise stops her dead in her tracks. Was that someone... moaning? She blinks for a minute then pinches herself. Nope... this was real life. There wasn't supposed to be anyone home... she wasn't even supposed to be home. She vainly tries to ignore the fact that her stomach was bottoming out. The noise is loud; she creeps up to the lounge room and peaks in.

The TV was on. Tangled limbs and naked flesh. The first girl was pale and had dark red hair, she was being finger fucked rather enthusiastically by another girl, a brunette. They were moaning and squealing in the slightly unrealistic way that girls always did in porn. Katie's eye wonders to the couch where Cook sat, cock in hand, stroking as he watched the girls on the screen.

She takes her time admiring him. He's completely engrossed by the porn and doesn't notice her watching him. The way his muscles move underneath his skin in his arm. The small huffs of breath that escape through his parted lips. The way his fingers tightened and flex around his hardness.

"We eat on that couch."

"SHIT!"

He nearly leaps out of the couch but thinks twice and grabs a cushion to covered himself with.

"That's my favourite cushion too."

She walks in and sits down casually beside him. Enjoying his panic.

"Don't tell Em's I said this," she adds, "but lesbian porn is twenty times hotter than straight porn."
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( 10 comments — Leave a comment )
jack: (got) winterfellaragorn on April 29th, 2012 11:11 am (UTC)
LOL irl at that last part!

I think it was a week or so ago when I was getting to the point of not giving a shit about Skins fandom anymore because no-one's been participating and whatnot. Then I saw this prompt at the Skins comment ficathon and it reminded me of you and this story, which I didn't realise how much I'd missed till now. XD

So glad you updated. I loved Effy's thought process in this. Her coming to terms with herself and how much she's changed. Cook/Katie are hot together. I almost want them to be endgame.

Love, love, love how domestic this all is. Don't want this story to end, but I'm still prepared. I just hope everyone ends up happy.

In short, lovely work. Can't wait for more. ♥
Courtneywinter_lace on April 30th, 2012 08:49 am (UTC)
I knooooooooooowwww... literally for the past three weeks I've been meaning to update but I just always seem to run out of time. And I get what you're saying about the Skins fandom. I've certainly fallen out of it a lot recently as well... and it was probably the last fandom I've really been active in. But I'm definitely planning on finishing this story. AS LONG AS IT TAKES. Lol.
condor84 on April 30th, 2012 02:31 am (UTC)
jumped around like a lunatic when i saw you had posted an update, can't wait to see where you take this.
Courtneywinter_lace on April 30th, 2012 08:50 am (UTC)
Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh thanks! I'm going to sincerely try and update more reguarily.
twilight118twilight118 on May 2nd, 2012 04:19 am (UTC)
I was so happy to see an update to this fic! I really like this fic and am so excited to see it still alive!

Great job and I'm looking forward to more :) Yay!
Courtneywinter_lace on May 2nd, 2012 10:16 am (UTC)
I swear I'm going to try and update more reguarily. Glad you're still with it :)
jemekinskeffylove on May 2nd, 2012 05:08 am (UTC)
'im glad that i saw an update of this fic cos this one is of my favorite.
and lol wanking cook...
Courtneywinter_lace on May 2nd, 2012 10:18 am (UTC)
Awww thanks! I'm definitely going to try and update more often. Stupid life getting in the way
Rita NinaRitokasnina5 on August 6th, 2012 12:21 pm (UTC)
when are you going to post the next chapter ?
Courtneywinter_lace on August 9th, 2012 08:08 am (UTC)
I'm sorry. I don't know, I can tell you that I am continuing it. I'm just going through a bit of a life drama at the moment. I'm sorry I can't be more speific. :(
( 10 comments — Leave a comment )